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All The Fun Of The Snow


All last week I was late for work. No matter what time I left I was still late. I could have left at a time, say 7am-7:30am, that would have got me in on time but then I'd have been really early and that would have been even more time to freeze my ass off in our not fit for purpose office. We're moving to a new one soon but it'll be a week or so yet. So I was late Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. No one said anything. I spent a lot of time at Matty's too and each evening I was getting home late. I'm behind with everything at home.

On Thursday morning it took me 40 minutes to drive from home to Zoe's to pick up Miss Martha. It usually takes around 15 minutes. We spent the morning at home and the afternoon at Matty's. I left Miss Martha and Miss Hannah home, spent a couple of hours at home then drove out to Matty's on Thursday evening. I was there until 7pm last night.

Then I had a pleasant evening at home with Bert. We tried the new Indian takeaway in Cullybackey which I'd recommend. That and a couple of bottles of wine put the evening in nicely. This morning I had a long lie in, then got up, had breakfast, updated my Wordscraper and Lexulous games, did some washing and took the pigs for a walk up the back lane.

I'm waiting now for the call back to Matty's. Kerry Sister set off from West of Dingle this morning, hit black ice three miles from home and put her car off the road. It's unlikely she'll make it to Matty's today. Must go now and have a shower and see if I can find some clean clothes to wear.

It's been quite a week. A fine week to find out on Monday that some dirty, rotten bastard used my debit card to treat themselves to 490 quid's worth of goods at Asda Direct. I wonder what they bought?
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A Reply From Wendy Scudamore

Remember the man from Fermanagh who wanted to buy my Lily as a Christmas present for his son, the man who said Wendy Scudamore 'let him down.' Well it seems it was the other way around. This is what Wendy has to say.

(Man from Fermanagh) rang me weeks ago and wanted two piglets. the second piglet will not be weaned until early January so when he said he wanted them for Christmas I told him it wasn't possible to get them to him in time. He then wanted me to forget the second piglet and bring just the one but I told him I couldn't possibly travel the one piglet all that way on its own - too stressful and it would have no company when it got there.

I am pretty angry actually as I have another customer in N Ireland waiting for her pigs in Jan and I was splitting the travel cost between them . i cannot at this late stage let the lady down so I will probably have to shoulder half the cost of the journey myself - more than the profit from the pigs.

If you know anyone else in N Ireland who wants any, the journey cost is £300 and I have some super little breeding piglets for sale,

Best Wishes
Wendy
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The Return of the Scunging Devil Dogs

Paddy and Judy disappeared today. The call of the snowy wood proved too hard to ignore. Dogs love snow because it intensifies smells and smell is how dogs experience the world.

They were only gone ten minutes but that was long enough to worry Bert. And it worried me too. I don't think I could bear another pair of scunging devil dogs.

We said to Paddy,

Paddy. How could you do this? At your time of life?


He looked at us sadly from his favourite spot on the leather sofa. We said,

Paddy. How can you do this to us? At our time of life?


He sighed, tucked his head between his paws and paid us not a bit of mind. I hope it was a one-off.

"scunge"

Ulster-Scots

Meaning:

to explore; wander about in the countryside

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Snow Pigs


Uncle John asked me about the kune kunes the other day. I replied,


I hardly ever see them. Only at weekends.

Bert sorts them out in the morning and usually I'm home late after being at Matty's and they're all tucked up when I get home. It made me think. I need to see more of the critters because they make me happy.

On Thursday a man from Fermanagh phoned me up. He seemed to know all about my pigs. He knew how old they were, who I'd bought them from, and their breeding line. He said he'd promised his little boy a pig for Christmas and that he'd been 'let down' by Wendy Scudamore. He said his little boy had his heart set on a Christmas pig and he hated to disappoint him. He said he'd been researching kune kunes on the internet. He asked if my gilt had piri piri. I thought he knew an awful lot about kune kune pigs and it surprised me that he only wanted one when everyone who knows advise that pigs need company.

He asked me if I'd sell him my gilt. I said I wouldn't sell her for a thousand pounds and I guess he knew then that there would be no talking to me. Sell Lily? I'd as soon sell Bonnie.

These past few days it has been too cold and snowy to let the pigs out so we've been taking them for walks. We're lucky that we've got the back lane and the wood for, believe it or not, we wouldn't be allowed to take the pigs off the property without a government permit.

It's advised that during exceptionally cold weather pigs need extra calories. So they've been getting more tucker. So with walks in the wood and extra rations they are very happy snow pigs.
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What Was That All About?

I stayed at Matty's last night supposedly 'on call' but had a relatively undisturbed night. Undisturbed, that is, apart from dreams. I awoke abruptly at ten past four, went to check on Matty who was snoring softly. As I returned to bed I remembered the dream from which I had woken. We, the immediate family - Matty, my siblings and I had committed a murder and were making plans to flee the country. I wanted no part of it, was certain we'd be caught and wanted to distance myself from the rest of the family. Who did we murder? Some old guy. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it was an accident, maybe a mercy killing. I tell you - I was almost frightened to fall asleep again.

In my second dream I had discovered the knack of making babies without the necessity of sexual congress. I had a selection of the little blighters in swaddling wraps lined up on the office counter. They were pretty babies, created with purloined genetic material from my work colleagues. I was hoping to find them good homes but had some little frisson of guilt for having got carried away with the project with no thought for eventual outcomes.

So in my dreams I take away life and then I create it. And all done in worry and guilt. What is it they say? Freud would have a field day. I bet he wouldn't. I bet he'd yawn politely and say,

How very humdrum.
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An Odd Thing

It's an odd thing that you can go to a funeral which is supposed to be a sad and solemn occasion and come away from that feeling elevated and then, on the same day, your sick mother gets discharged from hospital and everybody, including her, is really glad she is home and you come away from that feeling worried and unsettled and very, very scared.
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Big Congrats!

Congratulations to our Dede who graduated today with some class of a First. Well done sis. We were thinking about you.
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