A Disappointing Tale

I am tired of Wayne Rooney's dalliances with saloon girls and bored to tears with the jailed stoner George Michael's antics. Except George, really! Smashing up Snappy Snaps - that could have been my youngest daughter in there.

But all these celebrities clamouring for our attention - who cares?

Then imagine my delight when I saw this headline. CANNIBAL STAR EATS NEIGHBOUR. Who could it be? John Travolta? I wouldn't put anything past him. He's well weird. It certainly wouldn't be Angelina or any of the skinny ones for they wouldn't risk the calories. Maybe Tom Cruise? He's another strange one. Vanessa Feltz? I could see her eating a neighbour. She's full of hunger and anger. Or maybe it was that wicked Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear. He would take up cannibalism just to be provocative.

Then I clicked on the story. Oh well.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

Early Ambitions

The first job I ever thought of taking up wasn’t a job at all for it was more of a vocation. I was going to be a nun. Of course I hadn’t a clue what it would entail, I just had an idea that Mammy and Daddy would be very, very pleased with me. Now where did I get that from? It must have been from snatches of overheard conversation. I was such an eavesdropper in those days. My method was to play quietly, seemingly deeply involved in some childish occupation, my tiny ears on stalks and if adults nudged each other or pointed to the little ones, that was my cue to be rapt, engaged with dolls, puzzles, books, anything that would make them believe that I could not hear, understand or care what they were saying.

You’d hear,

Young Thomas Maguire is going to Maynooth. The family are delighted. He has the two aunts on his mother’s side in the Poor Clares and his Uncle Emmanuel Maguire a curate in Hannahstown.

Father Emmanuel never got his own parish?

No word of it. His mother can’t understand it at all. I think myself he is too soft to make a good PP.

There was talk…..

Shush! There’s nothing in that. His mother’s a saint.

So it was that I learned to have a vocation, to become a priest, a nun or a brother was a wonderful thing. A thing that brought pride and delight to your whole connection. Little wonder it seemed like such a good idea even for a bad rip like myself. Today I could be merry and bad and then far, far in the future I would be old and good. First I would be a nun then eventually I’d be a saint. I would have brown wooden beads; carry a cross and a wreath of pink roses. My mother would be delighted with me.

It was later on that I learned about vocations. You didn’t choose to be a nun or a priest. God chose you by calling you to it. But by this time it was starting to seem an unappealing idea. I was less enamoured with pleasing Mammy and Daddy and more interested in pleasing myself. Being a nun sounded dreary. The clothes were bulky and cumbersome, you had to be bald and obedient, you’d never be out of the chapel and the food wasn’t great and you would never have any money nor get a lie-in. But what if God called you? You’d have to go in for it if God called you. I dreaded getting a vocation. Having to be good would be dull, dull, dull and being a saint meant being tortured or murdered for your virtue whatever that was. It just didn’t seem worth it to me.

And so it was that I would forgo the Convent’s call and became a nurse instead. But, as they say, that’s another tale.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

Yeah Right!!!!! Utter Rubbish

Sophie from Belfast had this to say about Victoria Beckham on the Mail Online site.

Victoria is obviously a UK size 4 or if she is a little bit heavier a size 6. She is therefore the equivalent of a US size zero. As for 'claims she does eat properly and puts her thin frame down to being a busy mother-of-three and hectic business woman.' Yeah right!!!!! That will really help with womens' self exteem. Utter rubbish.

I confess I enjoy reading the dick comments on this site. So many people getting their knickers in a twist over stuff that dinna matter. Cunning old Daily Mail reeling us in. Not all of us obviously as I'm sure the cerebrals don't look near it.

So. Anyways. It seems, according to Sophie, that women's "self exteem" hangs on the skinniness of Mrs Beckham who is only waif-like because she keeps busy-busy-busy. And doesn't eat huge quantities of chocolate and cake either I'll be bound. Ooh my "self exteem" does ache as does my tum full of birthday chocolate.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1311086/Skinny-Victoria-Beckham-bans-size-zero-models-New-York-Fashion-Week-show.html#ixzz0zEgn5mx9

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

In Search Of Lost Sleep

I went to bed at 11pm which is early for me. Looking after little Martha has worn me out and so have the Wee Mannys - all four of them and each of them with an accompanying dog. So the pregnant half of the Wees went home early (by the way, congratulations Laura and Declan) and the older half stayed. So after eating too much and likewise the drinking, I toddled off at 11 and fell fast asleep. For three hours.

I was awakened by Miss Holly Dog wandering forlornly around looking for her human. And now I can't get back to sleep and the pup is chewing my heels and my stomach has got so much food lying in it that a good boke would do me no harm.

And mostly what I'm thinking about is - what did I like so much about Remembrance Of Things Past because I've got to tell Mr Bolan - he asked me two days ago. I'm thinking around the old people Mr Bolan, the old people.

So while I'm up I thought I'd also take the opportunity to thank everyone, and there a lot of you, who wished this old person many happy returns. I do hope so. Thanks internet chums. I am now going to lie on the sofa and cuddle the pup and try to get back to sleep.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

Happy Birthday To Me

FAMOUS BIRTHDAYS ON 9TH SEPTEMBER

There were 240 of them on here but I'm only going to include the ones I've heard of.

1754 - William Bligh, nasty ship's captain (HMS Bounty)

1822 - Napoleon J K P Bonaparte, French prince/member National Convention

1828 - Leo Tolstoy, Russia, novelist (War & Peace, Anna Karenina)

1925 - Cliff Robertson, La Jolla Calif, actor (Charly)/spokesman for AT&T

1932 - Sylvia Miles, NYC, actress (Midnight Cowboy, Farewell My Lovely)

1935 - [Chaim] Topol, Tel Aviv Israel, actor (Fiddler on the Roof)

1941 - Otis Redding, Dawson Ga, rock bassist (Sitting on the Dock of the Bay)

1942 - Inez Foxx, Greensboro NC, rocker (Mockingbird, Hi Diddle Diddle)

1943 - George Roger Waters, keyboardist (Pink Floyd-Brick in the Wall)

1947 - Lol Creme, [Lawrence Creme], England, rock vocalist/guitarist (10cc)

1949 - John Curry, England, figure skater (Olympic-gold-1976)

1951 - Michael Keaton, Pitts Pa, actor (Gung Ho, Batman, Beetlejuice)

1952 - David Stewart, rock guitarist (Eurtyhmics-Here Comes the Rain Again)

1953 - Nelly Moser, world-famous blogger and all-round good egg

1958 - Lita Ford, London England, vocalist (Kiss Me Deadly, Runaways)

1960 - Hugh Grant, London England (4 Weddings & a Funeral, 9 Months)

1966 - Adam Sandler, actor/comedian (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, SNL)

1968 - Julia Sawalha, actress (Saffron-Abfab, Chrissy-Buddy's Song)

1972 - Natasha Kaplinsky, British newsreader

1975 - Michael Bublé, Canadian singer and actor

1980 - Michelle Williams, American actress

Otis Redding, Boney, Tolstoy and Captain Bligh are the only ones I'm chuffed to share a birthday with. That Michael Buble character I only heard of a few months ago when this guy who fronts a Buble tribute band came to work in our office.

STUFF THAT HAPPENED ON 9TH SEPTEMBER

Once again only took from the list what I remember or know a little bit about...


1492 - Columbus' fleet sets sail west

1513 - Battle of Flodden Fields; English defeat James IV of Scotland

1543 - Mary Stuart, at nine months old, is crowned "Queen of Scots" in the central Scottish town of Stirling.

1863 - Battle of Cumberland Gap, TN

1899 - French Capt Alfred Dreyfus sentenced on unjust grounds

1908 - Orville Wright makes 1st 1-hr airplane flight, Fort Myer, Va

1939 - Nazi army reaches Warsaw

1955/6? - Elvis Presley's 1st appearance on Ed Sullivan's Show

1958 - Race riots in Notting Hill Gate, London

1965 - Tibet is made an autonomous region of China

1966 - John Lennon meets Yoko Ono at an avante-garde art exposition

1967 - Uganda declares independence from Great Britain

1971 - John Lennon releases "Imagine" album

1991 - Mike Tyson indicted for rape of Desiree Washington

1997 - Sinn Fein accepts Mitchell Principles on para-military disarmament

2004 - 2004 Australian embassy bombing: A bomb explodes outside the Australian embassy in Jakarta, killing 10 people.

AND WITHOUT LOOKING ANYTHING UP

In the year I was born -

The Princess Victoria sank with great loss of life.

Queen Elizabeth II was crowned .

Edmund Hillary ascended Everest.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

Ahem!

I have an announcement to make. I am no longer a full-time office worker. This Monday I started on a job share. I now work Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. On Thursdays I will be looking after Miss Martha as Zoe is returning to work. On Fridays I may be doing 'other things'. This Friday other things will be more Miss Martha.

Joy is me. Change is good. Wish me luck.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

Buzz Killington

Clint is Buzz Killington.

There was Bert, enjoying a rare solitary evening, no me (for I was on Matty duties), only three good dogs and two good pigs to share his barbecued sea bream, baked potatoes and cider as he sat by the brai on one of the balmiest evenings of 2010.

But hark! Here is the sound of a Massey Ferguson coming up the lane. Sadly not Hector's, for Hector would not disturb Bert's reverie. No. It is Buzz Killington, otherwise known as Clint, on his new tractor. Clint - a man with no concept of relaxation or enjoyment, Clint who'd work a two-minute silence, Clint and his bloody dog - both of them go-go-go, for Clint has tractors to drive and Lucy her tail to catch.

What are ye sitting idling there for? There's barley straw to be got from up the road. C'mon now for it'll not get itself home!

I'm only getting a bite of supper.

Humph! I've mine in me long ago. I see you're at the drink again. I hope you're fit to drive!

I've only had half a glassful... the pigs...

You're giving those pigs drink! That'll do them a lot of good!

Sure if you seen the way they shape their wee mouths for me to pour it in. And the way they gaze up at me. It's so cute.

Not near wise. Your head's cut. C'mon! Let's get going!

Sadly Bert had only a few more mouthfuls of fish and a drop of cider to wash it down, then abandoned his lovely evening, looked sadly at the pigs and they at him. He trudged off in Clint's wake. That straw won't bring itself home y'know!

reade more... Résuméabuiyad