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Over The Moon

Please God don't ever let me say this. Don't ever let me say, if I'm pleased about something, no matter how pleased I am, don't ever let me say that I'm 'over the moon'. Just kill me if I ever say that.

It's not that I dislike all cliches. I'm partial to 'Mmmm doughnuts,' and 'Sweet' a la Simpson and Griffin and I quite like 'Way!' as a shorthand for 'Way to go.' A North American friend once told me that's what all the American wallies say to one of their number if he does something they approve of.

And how I hate the expression 'killer' when it is used to describe heels or curves. So Rihanna's got killer curves. No she hasn't. She's got an attractive, shapely figure. Who's she going to kill with it? Then killer heels. Spare me. Obviously heels could, at a pinch, be used to kill someone but I'm not really seeing it. And 'working it' is another over used phrase from the cheap fashion pages that I loathe.

Then 'journey'. So you're a 'celebrity' on a reality show. Maybe it's 'Dancing on Ice' and you've just been told to go home and you'll be gasping out about what an incredible 'journey' you've been on. Very good. You learned a new skill. You skated your heart out. You're going home. That wasn't a journey. It was just another job.

I've saved my most hated expression to last. Can you guess what it is? I have a grand daughter. She is amazing. I love her. She is gorgeous and probably the most intelligent person born in 2009. But if I ever hear anyone calling her a 'Princess' I will kill them (with my killer curves). Some little girls might want to buy into that princess shit but my Miss Martha is better than that. Princess my arse! And if you are one of those parents or grandparents who refer to your female child as a 'princess' you are a wee bit sick. Who the fuck would want to be a princess? Kate - it's not too late. I know the tea towels have been printed but you can still get out.

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